9-11 3 Years Later
Obvious asked a good question in the comments just now:
Hi Steve,
it's been 3 years since Al Quaida WTC attack. i wonder where were you that day. what are your memories about that terrible incident.
love,
Obvious
It was early morning in Los Angeles, and my phone started ringing. I got out of bed and picked it up, it was my ex-bass player from Skycycle Kelly Castro calling.
"Dude, have you seen the news?"
"What do you mean? I'm sleeping... What is it?"
"It's World War 3, man... The twin towers, they're... dude, they're gone..."
I hung up the phone, and went to turn on the TV. It wouldn't turn on. I had just broken up with my girlfriend Lisa, and was in a bit of a self destructive phase where I wasn't cleaning the house, or paying the bills. The cable had been turned off. I called up the cable company and said my cable was disconnected and please to let me pay the bill and turn it on as quick as possible, I knew something big had happened, and I wanted to see what it was. I still didn't know what the hell Kelly was talking about. A little while later, the signal came back on and I, like every other person in America watched the news. For 3 days straight.
The slow motion footage of one plane, then the second crashing into the buildings, the fireball, from angle after angle, then the buildings sinking down into black clouds. The sirens and running people screaming. Tiny dots slowly drifting down the sides of the towers that were people's lives ending. Until that day, you never thought you would see something that looked like it was a scene from a disaster movie in real life. Those things don't really happen.
Certain times in your life you remember when really massive events take place and you see world-shaping images for the first time, and somewhere in the back of your mind you feel that "I will remember this moment for the rest of my life". For me, when Ronald Regan was shot, when the Challenger Shuttle exploded, The OJ Verdict, Columbine, are all unforgettable notches in my mental timeline. This was light years beyond, though.
It was completely unthinkable. My mind couldn't do the math on it. I remember needing to be around people, and to talk. Being alone felt alien all of a sudden. I lived off of Sunset Blvd, near Guitar Center and Denny's. They used to call it "Rock N' Roll Denny's". I walked over in the bright sunshine, like nothing was wrong in L.A., and nothing ever could be on such a beautiful day.
I sat in a booth and ordered lunch. I had expected a bustling crowd with everyone talking about the same thing, and making me feel more safe in the process. What was there were a few people, no one really talking much to anybody else. I wondered, "What the hell, do they not know??? How could they not know? and if they don't, how could they not be talking about this?" I ate and left.
Went home and started calling friends. We all said the same things to each other in varying orders and ways. We all needed to say what was on our minds, over and over again, "How could this happen?", "What now".
I remember anchorman Dan Rather (I believe) saying that "Nothing would ever again be the same". I thought, this is an unbelieveable tragedy, but how could he mean that?, but he was right. Never again would we as a country be so naive. A voice was heard that day, one that we wanted to ignore, and in the midst of the insanity of such an evil hateful deed, it was hard not to wonder if our arrogant foriegn policy hadn't in some way brought this on.
That night was disturbing in a different way. I felt a kind of dumb shock, like the hours of TV news and isolation in my apartment had made me fuzzy, disjointed. I had to drive down Sunset for some reason, and I couldn't believe what I saw. Hundreds of people lined up along the streets in some kind of mass expression, a discharge. American flags absolutely everywhere, people lighting candles clustered at the bases of streetlights at every intersection. Loud music. Almost seemed ...celebratory. It didn't make sense to me. It wasn't a demonstration, there was nothing to demonstrate. A catastrophic mass murder had taken place. I felt like there was something wrong with me, that all this activity was making me feel more isolated from everybody, instead of closer.
My jaw dropped when I saw an organized group of roller blading/roller skating Angelenos all cruising up Sunset Blvd. Some kind of insane group of people merrily skating up the street with a general joyous air to them. Jubilant, even. My isolated feeling was pushed toward anger. What in the fucking universe were these morons thinking? That thousands of dead people and a marred national psyche were a rad time to pick up skate and candle and whizz around the streets laughing? I still have no idea what the hell was up with those people.
I went home and truned the TV back on and watched, and watched, and watched.
I remembered when I lived in New York and worked at MTV, for a few months I did all my VJ segments from different parts of the City. One day we used the restaurant at the very top of one of the towers as the location. It was empty exept for us. Giant floor-to-ceiling windows all around gave a view of the city that was heart stopping. Not just beautiful, but kind of scary, too. When I got near to a window and pressed my forehead to the glass to get the clearest view down, it was hard to imagine actually being that high. Like flying with no effort. Like humans shouldn't really be that high without ...consequences. I thought about that day, and that that view was gone forever. That that building was so alive, too, so much space those giant masses took up on our planet, and that they were filled with people. People who had no debt to pay another country, no wrongs done. All murdered. As these realizations were sinking into my mind, so they were with everyone else in America, and also the world.
As a nation tries to absorb something so overwhelming, the mood everywhere changes. More somber, more fragile, more tentative. That was when the national moritorium on anything humorous or lighthearted was silently invoked. Late night comedy shows became morose and news based, or simply went off the air. No shows at night, except the news. For the next week or so, every conversation I had was dominated by 9-11 as well. I have to give it up to Howard Stern, he dealt with the disaster like no one else. He was on the air for the whole day of 9-11 and while many, many other broadcasters hid from the difficulty of public commentary in the weeks that followed, he was on every day, and even found some laughter to pass on, precious to those who needed it in his city. Firefighers and public workers are very vocal about how he was there to ease the pain for them in the tough days that followed.
After the shock settled, there was a hushed sense that people in general might have some kind of awakening as to the impermanence of life, and be ...nicer to eachother. It seemed that that really did happen in New York. The event seemed to peel off the hard shell that comes with living there, and make people realize their interconnectedness more. New Yorkers really showed the rest of the country and world as well, what is wonderful about America. That we can all join together and get through anything.
It seemed that everything was different. That feeling would in months, drift away. Healing began, and the national attention began to scatter like had been before, and people got back to their "regular" lives. We now had a tough, gung-ho, flag waving President, terror alets, and a creeping distrust of Arab-Americans. I felt so bad for all the good, hard working people from Arab countries, and the people who even looked an any way Arab, as Americans can be dumb and prejudiced to begin with, but now had an actual reason to be.
Now I see the New York skyline, and it still stings. Still makes me sad. When I lived in NYC, I used the towers as my compass, my lighthouse in the sea of my own horrible lack of a sense of direction. All those late nights, wandering the streets back to my apartment, and to find out which way home was, I would only have to look up to regain my bearings.
Comments
Steve,
Thank you. How can you write like THAT so early in the freaking morning, dude? Can I tell you NOW that you are a good writer?
9/11 was the last time I told my mom I loved her.
It was supposed to be the day of a field trip with my students to the L. A. County Fair, and I was still making name tags in denial, until my principal gently put his hand on my shoulder and asked me to stop.
I found myslef in a Circle K, standing in shock with other customers by the coffee pots, listening to someone's transistor.
I will remember that day forever, because it wasn't about me anymore, it was about making my students feel safe.
I don't wait until disaster strikes to tell people I love them anymore.
I don't do as much navel-gazing, at least not at my own.
That's all I got. It's too early, must shake cobwebs.
Y tu?
Posted by: jezebel | September 11, 2004 06:53 AM
Hi Steve,
thanks for that post. you woke up so early...
i must admit you're a great writer.
love,
Obvious
Posted by: Obvious | September 11, 2004 07:34 AM
one more thing i wanted to ask for some time:
what year were you born Steve, if i may ask...
Obvious
Posted by: Obvious | September 11, 2004 08:18 AM
wow, thanks for the recount Steve.
Loud music and skating? What in the world? Was that supposed to be some kind of "We won't let you terrorists bring us down!" type of thing?
I happened to be living in Chicago at the time. For me it was a strange sense of deja vu at first. A few nights before I had dreamt of planes crashing into buildings of a big city with scenes similar to the ones I saw on TV while awake. The morning of 9/11 my mom woke me up telling me to get downstairs that WW3 was starting. I was like "what in the world are you talking about mom? What happened?" In my half asleep state I stumbled down to the family room to watch TV. It was a news report of a plane that had crashed into one of the twin tours. I thought I was dreaming again. Or watching a movie.
A new report comes of a second plane crashing into the other tower. Then the pentagon.
I began to realize I was awake. We couldn't really say anything, just sat there and watched in disbelief. I wanted to know who the hell was doing this.
Then the towers came crumbling down. I had a hard time watching. I didn't want to believe it. Sadness came over me and I felt so bad for the people of New York.
Then they started to talk about the Sears Tower being evacutated and all the other cities across the U.S. taking precautions. It was scary. I looked outside at the street. I lived in the suburbs on a busy street but there was no cars, no people, nobody. The town seemed paralized, deserted.
My sister called from L.A. She was fine. My dad called from work. My relatives from overseas called. Family friends called.
I didn't do much that day other than check the news reports every once and a while. We weren't sure if anything else was going to happen or what and what our next move should be. Fortunately no more tradgedies happened that day.
Maria
PA 69
Posted by: mortisha8 | September 11, 2004 08:33 AM
Thanks Steve....
FreAk*
Posted by: theFreAk6767 | September 11, 2004 09:09 AM
that day i was on my way back from my vacations. i stayed in Krakow for one day. it was about 4 p.m. here when a friend of my then girlfried called us and said that America is preparing for the war, that had been attacked and the WW3 is on the way. we were out of any infos, hit the nearest pub just to watch or simply listen to radio news for any details.
when we saw those planes crushing into the towers... i'll never forget those images, i remember being at the top of one of these towers when i had visited my family in NYC for the first time back in 1996. i felt like it's the top of the world. and those Steve's words:
"the restaurant at the very top of one of the towers as the location. It was empty exept for us. Giant floor-to-ceiling windows all around gave a view of the city that was heart stopping. Not just beautiful, but kind of scary, too. When I got near to a window and pressed my forehead to the glass to get the clearest view down, it was hard to imagine actually being that high. Like flying with no effort. Like humans shouldn't really be that high without ...consequences."
i feel like these are my own words. had the same feeling there.
anyway, when we got back home at the and of the day, just watch TV for several hours. it was something terrible. A huge tragedy.
now another tragedy in Bieslan in Russia.
how many more will there be?
please, stop!
no more.
Obvious
Posted by: Obvious | September 11, 2004 09:19 AM
Thanks for that Steve. I know those feelings too, and since you've expressed them so well in your post about the day of 9/11, I can say ditto, and thanks for expressing them so eloquently.
What I find so odd now, and still disconcerting, is seeing the New York skyline in movies. It's so familiar and I lived in NJ, and saw that same skyline so often.
I spent a lot of time in NYC too. NYC was my youth hang out place, where my Dad worked, where my friends worked, the subways I used, clubs I went to, where I took friends and family who visited from England.
An odd thing was when I grandparents visited from England, we went to the WTC, and my grandmother, refused to go even inside the bottom part of them. She had a bad feeling about them. She was almost hysterical over it.
Well, I could say more, I think there's a few books in this, all of what we have experienced throught that, and around it.
Love and peace,
Lisa
xxxx
Agent 13
s. good to hear about the rehearsal. did you sort out an amp yet? :)
Posted by: ylais | September 11, 2004 12:26 PM
Wow, so many memories come to mind. I never watch news in the morning so I missed all that. But I remember the drive to work, I was also listening to Howard Stern but I couldn't believe what he was saying. I didn't know if it was a sick joke or what. I was all very strange and unfamiliar. As my brother drove me to work both of us were speechless. I remember feeling completely numb. When I got to work everyone was centered on a small 13 inch black and white TV some where crying and others were just silent. To me it all just seemed like a horrible movie. I couldn't really swallow what was happening.
Posted by: wendybird | September 11, 2004 02:08 PM
Hey steve
Thanks for your moving post on such an emotive subject. I have to agree with everyone's comments about you being a great writer.
Peace
Matt
Posted by: Matt | September 11, 2004 02:54 PM
steve - you brought back so many memories...
i woke up, that morning, to a phone call from my aunt... "someone blew up the twin towers"... then i joined the millions watching the news until i went to school. in class, we didn't do anything but talk, and every few minutes someone i didn't know would poke their head in the door and give us updates. after class, i worked the lunch rush at a sports bar and remember everyone, sort of dazed, stare at the 6-foot big screen, that was the focal point of the restaurant, in disbelief. the images were haunting, unreal... it was like a movie. it was already noon on the west coast... a half a day had gone by. but it still had not sunk in. i didn't know anyone that was hurt or killed... but i remember that i cried a lot. being a southern californian my whole life, i always felt somewhat removed from the events of 9/11... grateful to be so far away, that i didn't lose anyone... and then, guilty for feeling grateful.
but i remember. i will always remember.
@---}-----
sarah
Posted by: SnoWhite | September 11, 2004 04:22 PM
Steve,
looking back now I completly understand your feelings towards the Skaters on Sunset that night. But let me give you some background on them.
The group skates every friday night in different parts of the SoCal area. They always have at least one and most of the time two skaters with backpack jukeboxes playing music.
That week the organizers actually cancelled the skate, but so many people asked that they go ahead with the skate. They even took a vote and the turn out was much larger then normal.
I think this was for the same lonely reasons you had, the group felt the need to be around friends. No one wanted to go home or somewhere and sit around as they had for the few days prior. My personal reason for going with my group of friends was to get away from the TV it was so hard to watch by that point.
So the skate went on and the theme became Red, White, and Blue and show a whole lot of American spirit. The feedback from people was way more positive then I could ever imagine. People a lot of the other times looked at the group as crazy, This time it made people cheer. So many people actually thanked us.
It was not ignoring the fact of what happened. And I personally apologize to you if you felt that way.
It was that want and need to be around friends you know. Personally that was one of the toughtest weeks of my life. I dealt with that week in a dark way inside.
Being around friends kind of helped me climb out of that hole I put myself into.
Thanks
T
Posted by: Skater | September 11, 2004 04:58 PM
T,
Thanks for the insight on the Friday skating club. As usual, any time I get an attitude about something, it's all one-way until you hear about it from someone else's perspective. I hope I didn't offend you, I just recall that night and the skating seeming odd. If the fellowship helped you all on that awful day, then so be it. I appreciate you weighing in and posting.
Posted by: Steve Isaacs | September 11, 2004 06:39 PM
sigh..was very hard watching the tributes on tv today,and your right,these horrible memories will be with us forever..Ill never forget what I was doing on 9/11 when this happened,as ive never forgotten the Challenger,those brave astronauts and one daring teacher,that was so surreal for me..I actually live and went to school in the city she was from.I was standing in class that day with a handfull of her former students watching the shuttle launch live.Ill never forget Oklahoma,Columbine,Ruby Ridge,Waco Texas,just recently Russia,and all those innocent children,and the list goes on and on...why as humans we do this to each other is beyond my comprehension..
Posted by: steph aka nhmadness | September 11, 2004 07:20 PM
Steve No worries. Your comments did not bother me at all. I just them in the same questionable light that you did and thought you would like to know why we were out there.
Kind of strange the first time I had something to say and I just wanted you to know the other perspective.
Your story was so descriptive and it seemed to bother you more. Its great to have this forum to do this.
Thanks for having Steve.
PS still waiting for more clues. Although I think I got it somewhat figured out if its as obvious as it looks.
TTT
Posted by: Skater | September 12, 2004 08:05 AM
Steve~I'm waiting for you to post. I enjoy reading your blog so much.
Love
Lisa
xxxx
Posted by: ylais | September 13, 2004 12:53 PM
Hey Steve,
i have to agree with Lisa... i've checked this site too many times.
i was wondering... you mentioned your "investigation" of the NASCAR city with your camera, so is there any chance that you will be posting the videos you made? or did you have too much fun ;) ? i just thought it might be a nice to have a visual to go along with your wonderful description of the phenomena.
did you get the pics i sent? i sent the rest to dave.
Posted by: SnoWhite | September 13, 2004 04:29 PM
"Americans can be dumb and prejudiced to begin with, but now had a great reason to be."
Oh, really? There are so many things wrong with that statement. I won't even begin.
Ya know, I'm guessing its your friends giving you the support and good on em' but I can't say I agree.
Posted by: Max | September 19, 2004 02:18 PM
Max,
I didn't mean that Americans SHOULD be prejudiced after 9/11 by any means, just that already prejudiced ones would think they were right all along, and that is a pity.
S
Posted by: Steve Isaacs | September 19, 2004 03:34 PM