A Distorted Reality Is Now A Necessity To Be Free
So who won the bet?
I have returned. The last month has been a roller coaster, to say the least. The ups were very thrilling, and the lows were pretty harsh. As with most good roller coasters, it also has left me with a bit of a queasy feeling...
Our studio time with Josh Abraham yielded a great new version of "Teahouse of the Spirits". The music only changed a bit, we rearranged the song to make it tighter, and instead of the choruses being just the "Ahhs", I wrote words and made the "Ahhs"; the background part. At first, I was pretty skeptical about changing anything, but the goal of the one week Abraham session was to look at the song fresh, and make it the best song possible. Since we had a great version in the can from the Virtue sessions, we had nothing to lose. Now, I am extremely happy with the new version, I think that it communicates the idea of the "Teahouse" with much more directly. There is some debate about the instrument tones being better on the Virtue version, but as for the song itself, the new one is the clear winner.
During that week I began a bit of a personal upheaval. My girlfriend Riss and I broke up, and I left the house we rent and have been staying at my friend Dan's house. A few years ago, Dan took up residence on my couch for a couple months, and now I am cashing in my couch credit. I haven't been around the computer much except for small bursts, and this explains my absence. I am moving back into a little apartment in Hollywood, and am in the process of painting the walls purple. This weekend I will move my stuff in and build my new creative environment. Out of respect to Riss, I won't comment further about the breakup except to say that she is the most caring, compassionate, supportive person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, and I will call her a close and dear friend forever. The Panic Channel and our music wouldn't have existed without her vision, and she is well on her way to showing the world what an intelligent and skilled creative businesswoman she is.
I had a birthday on the 19th. Since cash was scarce, I didn't go nuts, just decided to do whatever I wanted, one thing after another. First it was getting a dozen Krispy Kremes, getting some coffee and walking around a bookstore (I got a really cool book on the making of the original Willy Wonka), then Dan treated me to a steak dinner at Damon's, a Polynesian-themed steakhouse in Glendale. Finally a trip to Sunset Strip Tattoo where I got thirteen stars of varying sizes on my right forearm. (The Left hand is held by the vines and soil of the Earth. The Right is free, and reaches up to the stars) Since I had no expectations about the day, everything that happened was a pleasant surprise.
While on the couch tour, I began to prepare for our second tracking session in June, this one with Howard Benson (My Chemical Romance, Hoobastank, POD). This experience was a far cry from the Abraham session. Benson operates on a completely song/vocal focused way, and he feels that a song should be looked at as an idea, and rebuilt from the ground up, and made as strong as possible in the process. This can be a bit of a difficult adjustment, considering that the two songs we tracked were the ones I wrote, "Half Hearted" and "Blue Bruises". Once again, we felt that we already had great "original" versions of the songs from the Virtue sessions, so there wasn't much to lose by working on the songs with a completely objective point of view; When you write a song, part of the challenge is knowing when it's done, when it feels right, and when to leave it alone. The past 2 weeks were an exercise in looking at the songs as what they might become by re-examining them and trying new ideas. I haven't worked with many producers, so I am trying to suck in as much info as possible and treat these sessions as learning experiences. I was very impressed with Howard Benson's musical skill and knowledge, and I feel that I picked up some really good songwriting mojo over the last two weeks. He is a pretty interesting cat.
Part of Howard's process is to live with the tracks we laid down, and sort out the best stuff, and come up with his finished mix, so at the moment, we have no idea if the new versions beat the old ones or not, ...we'll know in a few weeks.
It's been a difficult time; packing boxes during the day when I'm not in the studio, wearing the same clothes day after day, being really really broke, and trying to sing, write, and be as creative as I can while in the studio. A weird combination of the best of times and the worst of times. When things fall apart, you really discover how great your friends are, and how life would be so empty without them. Seems that sometimes you have to intentionally go through something really difficult to get to a better place. All in all, I know that in the big picture I am fantastically fortunate. I live in a wonderful city, have great friends, and am blessed to be making music that I love with people that I love as well.
To the American readers, happy 4th of July.
To our readers from the UK, thanks for colonizing this place, we dig it.
Comments
I'm sorry Steve that you and Riss have split up. Hope you're ok. The album sounds like its coming on nicely.
Time for me to go to bed! Its 23:35
Julie, UK
Posted by: Julie | July 4, 2005 03:36 PM
Hey Steve, glad to see you finally surfaced.
Rather than focus on parts of this entry that you yourself did not spend a great deal talking about, i will just say that i am going to raise my glass to you, and i wish you nothing but a positive transitional period.
Posted by: -- Joe -- | July 4, 2005 03:42 PM
Welcome back Bro! It's very good to hear from you again.I know for a complete and utter fucking fact that TPC will move musical mountains upon the release. Take care!
Posted by: Lyn | July 4, 2005 03:56 PM
I wish I had some fireworks but they are illegal where I am right now(Upstate New York).
Sending good vibes your way.
-Aaron
Posted by: Aaron | July 4, 2005 04:17 PM
Wow, that was a rather personal post that struck close to home. Sorry to hear about you and Riss breaking up. The fact that the two of you want to remain friends and can give eachother space during this is a testament to both of your characters. That's a tough fucking thing to do, but an amazing one as well.
*warning, personal story ahead, skip the next 3 paragraphs if you hate those things*
My girlfriend and I are giving eachother space at the moment as well. I've known her for 5 years. There's a long history that could fill two seperate auto-biographies. To make it short: We dated for a few months when we first met, she broke it off, I hated her, didn't talk for a while, became friends again a year later, both seperately went through our promiscuous phase, our vulture phase (to quote Dave Navarro), and our life changing period. Mine was an overdose, getting sober, and the death of my father. Hers, well...for reasons of privacy, let's just say she's been through more then any person deserves to but still manages to be an amazing human being. Over this time we became and remained REALLY close friends that were there for eachother through the hardest points in our lives. A really strong love and deep connection grew from our friendship.
Somehow, we ended up dating again earlier this year, despite my better judgement. Both of us, together, got over a lot of our fears, insecurities, paranoias about ourselves and eachother. We were able to open up and share things with eachother that we couldn't with anyone else. It was like both of us got over this huge mountain and slayed the elephants.
Last week she explains that she needs space to get her shit together. Normally I take these things extremely personally and think "she's full of shit, she just doesn't like me anymore", but somehow this time I didn't. I know what's going on in her life and that it's a lot to juggle on top of a serious relationship. I was actually happy to give her the space she needed. Coming out of this relationship, it's made me a better person able to handle things with a deeper sense of perspective and clarity that I wouldn't have gained had it not been for us dating again. And we're still talking and have become even closer as friends. There's still that long kiss goodbye at the end of the night whenever we hang out, but, whatever. :)
I guess my reason for saying all this is that space and time apart can ultimately strengthen a relationship. No, not saying you two will get back together or anything, that's for you guys to figure out. But in the long run, it sounds like you two will remain close friends. And whatever you've learned and experienced from this relationship, will carry over into the next to make for a whole new, exciting and fulfilling experience. Hopefully, being with Riss gave you your own newfound sense of clarity of yourself and how you're able to deal with things. To sum it up: you'll be fine. :)
I highly suggest reading Alain de Botton's "On Love". It's a great story with this starkly humorous british perpective that manages to nail (no pun intended) relationships down pat. Helped me get through my last breakup. Maybe it'll help you through this transitional period.
Wow, didn't expect this post to be so long. Initially I was going to say "Ha, I won the bet!" But when people open up about things, I guess it makes me feel able to relate on a certain level. The whole TPC community is sort of an encouragement of experiences anyway, so fuck it. And thank you Steve for writing music that reflects that, as well as many other things (yeah, I was listening to live versions of Half Hearted a lot last week).
Now fire up the grill! Happy 4th everyone!
Peace!
- Sean
Posted by: Sean | July 4, 2005 05:22 PM
Hey Steve,
I think I can say on behalf of everyone its great to hear from you again and you know we're all praying for ya and keeping you close to our hearts
You're an inspiration to us all. However hard it gets, you still live the life we all try for without giving up.
Still going at 01:55
Karl, UK
Posted by: Karl | July 4, 2005 05:58 PM
Dude, it's good to see you back on posting Steve.
Once again, I'm feeling you bro. Don't know what happened with you and Riss, it's none of my business really, but I hear ya.
Today my boyfriend and I have also decided to be just friends and I'm wondering if it's going to be possible. He still wants to hang out and play video games and all that, simply on friendly terms. I have so many questions in my head that I'm definitely going to talk to him about. I'm not feeling that he fully accepts the things about me that I can't change and I don't think I can be friends with someone that doesn't like me the way I am.
Who knows, maybe some time apart will allow us to figure things out and strengthen our bond in the long run. But for now we're cooling things a bit.
Anywho, I'm glad to hear the recording is going well. Also glad to hear you found a new place you can set up from scratch to your own liking.
Peace out, bro
hang in there
Posted by: mortisha8 | July 4, 2005 06:35 PM
whose break up jorge? I think we've got a few here.. lol
You mean 4th of July, right? Tell my ex that as he was the one to initiate it.
Oh well, life goes on.
catch ya later people
Posted by: mortisha8 | July 4, 2005 07:10 PM
Steve, I'm glad to see ya back on here, and to hear that the recording is going well. Must be tough to change a song that is by all accounts already great! I can't wait to hear what you guys have been coming up with!! I wish I could hear all of the "versions," it would be so interesting.
Tough times suck, but its great to hear that you have such good friends around you. Its amazing sometimes what a good friend can do for you without even knowing they are doing anything spectacular.
Posted by: Abby | July 4, 2005 10:24 PM
oh, and that falling girl thing has me a bit addicted!!
Posted by: Abby | July 4, 2005 10:25 PM
Steve,
I have missed your posts but I am feeling for you. I know this is a tough time but at the same time exciting professionally. You just seem to me to have an amazing spirit so I just know that you know how important it is to just keep moving forward.
Your devotion to your music and the way that you can look at it and allow it to breathe and grow is truly impressive. I can't wait for the final results.
Be strong and, although your post makes me believe that you don't need to hear these words - it's okay to let others take care of you when you can't take care of yourself. I am happy that you have friends you can count on.
Be well,
~ Susan
Posted by: Suz | July 4, 2005 10:37 PM
Great to see ya back Steve!
I hope you have moved from the darkness into light. I know how hard it is to concentrate on important things when so much crap is surrounding you and occupying your thoughts.
As i've said a million times before, i f**king can't wait to hear the album! And i/we appreciate your updates just like Dave's.
Cheers
Ben
UK
Posted by: Ben | July 5, 2005 05:01 AM
Ok, so now I'm close to tears...
glad to know you're kinda ok...
...look after yourself kid...
...I'm actually too sad now to write anymore...
...Glad you know you're in our thoughts over this side of the pond too...
RP
x
If you need a loan...! (thinking back to the bank post!)
Posted by: RecklessPrincess | July 5, 2005 06:33 AM
Steve-I’m glad your back. I hope things get better for you. Hang in there, bro. Take care, and good luck with the new pad.
Posted by: Brett | July 5, 2005 10:43 AM
Hey Steve,
What about the fans in Australia?
It's good to hear from you again. Sorry to hear that things haven't been the best lately, but I'm sure once this record is released, things will be much better.
Just remember, 'In the end everything will be alright, and if its not alright, then it's not the end.'
Stay strong & positive and keep those tunes coming.
Regards
Simon (Australia)
If you ever need some $$$, just ask. I mean it, seriously.
Posted by: Simon | July 5, 2005 02:52 PM
This is my first post here-
Hey, keep your chin up. As time goes by things usually get better.
(I checked out that neverending fall-and well, what's it mean when it keeps getting stuck?
Posted by: Diane/FRI13th | July 5, 2005 07:39 PM
Glad to see you around again. Thanks for the studio updates, looking forward to more as the product enters the final phases. I hope that after this past month that you get where you hope to be for yourself. My best wishes are with you.
Posted by: Mike C. | July 5, 2005 09:07 PM
Best wishes and I'm glad you're back.. yes it's true, sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you soar...
take care of yourself!
Elsa
Posted by: Junebug | July 6, 2005 10:30 AM